A Sad Tail That Continues to Wag

True Story for Animal Lovers

As the year went by things started returning to normal when Goof began showing signs of lameness and his back took on an obscure shape.  We looked at pictures of other dogs of his breed and it was clear he wasn’t growing the same as those in the pictures.  We took him to see vet Dr Jordan who looked at the  x-rays he had taken the previous year. He decided to take more of his hips and front legs. Then came the news that we dreaded; Dr Jordan asked where we had purchased Goof and I recounted the story of the horrible puppy farm.  We knew Jordan was upset as he was very fond of Goofus. He explained to us that people who breed dogs like this generally don’t practise controlled breeding and Goofus could be the product of his own aunt and uncle or mother and her brother, any number of combinations that meant weaknesses were bred in rather than out.  He was suffering from severe hip dysplasia and the ‘hump’ growing on his back was caused by the discomfort in walking, causing him to “throw” his hips forward to alleviate the pain that then created the hump. 

There was worse to come, there were spurs on his front legs and signs that his bones were already degenerating seriously and rapidly. He explained that a dog this big would never survive fusing of the bones in his front legs, which was the normal course of action and there was nothing they could do about his hips.  He was simply too big, and being ‘disabled’ after osteo-surgery would probably cause him to develop breathing problems during the long and arduous recovery period.  His inability to exercise would also exacerbate his condition, we couldn't win. 

I knew what was coming because I had the dreams again about losing him. Talking with another medium she said he “knew he was going away and was ok with it.”  I didn’t want to hear that, but she rightly said his bones hurt and his time with us was over. He thanked us for rescuing him and said we must remember the silly play times and for weeks before he went I had a song in my head from my guide, “Remember me this way” and it would be accompanied by a vision of Goofus cavorting down the hill at the park, ready to dive bomb Gismo and I as we lay on the grass in the sunshine. Unbeknownst to us, we were just surfacing from ‘the dark years’ and he had looked after us, made us laugh, protected us but now it was clear we had to go on without him.  Gismo and I decided to take the week off work and made it all about Goof; what a special week! We fed him pigs’ ears and his favourite food, strawberries and cream, until he could eat no more.  He slept on our bed every night, all 89kg of him!

The night before we took him for his last walk on earth, two very strange and once again, beautiful things happened.  Gismo used to adopt this kind of ‘village idiot’ type voice and pretend it was Goofus speaking “ooooh I really want some piggies’ ears,” or something sillier like “oooooh finish reading the newspaper so I can shred it please,” we would laugh together that Gismo had managed to adopt exactly the right voice fit for our big baby.  Lying in bed with him between us, there was not much to say because of what we knew was coming the next day.  We listened to Goof’s heavy breathing and both stared at the ceiling.  A voice seemed to come through the space we were looking into “ooooh ooooh I love you both.” We looked at each other, we knew it was spirit interpreting for us in a way we would know that they were our boy’s very thoughts and we both rolled over and buried our faces into his fur, sobbing once again for the impending loss of a loved one.

That same night, as we three slept together, I saw a strange man in a brown Monk’s cloak standing before me with a crook, as if he was waiting for something.  The scenery behind him was like a rambling garden with stone pathways and no lawn. I didn’t recognise the scene or the significance of the man until later. Morning dawned on our sad day. We had arranged with a specialist pet crematorium to have the entire place to ourselves.  They agreed to close the premises down for us and I made certain stipulations about how Goof should be treated both before and after.  We took him for a walk in the beautiful gardens and I realised these were the grounds the monk seemed to be standing in the night before. Gismo and I stopped and stared, for both my husband and I could see the man in the brown cloak with the gnarled stick holding his other hand out towards us.  We looked at each other and I said, “I guess that is who has come for him then’” meaning our beloved furry friend.  Gismo has seen and heard things when he is with me, but he will rarely dwell on it.  This time he reached down and patted his boy and said “I hope so, he looks like a kind man”. Once again we broke down and buried our faces in the familiar fur, wishing heart and soul, that things were different.

At the last minute I couldn’t go in to witness my beloved dogasaurus's last minutes.  I had asked Dr Jordan, who along with the vet nurse, was already in tears, if he could possibly inject Goofus in the back leg as I wanted the last person Goof saw to be Gismo, his best friend and not a man with an needle.  Jordan agreed and they all went inside the building, I stayed by the car, pacing and looking towards the door.  The door had one way glass, so no one could see in, as I heard the locked snibbed and the bolt housed across the door after they all went in, I walked away, sobbing and looking back momentarily but seeing nothing. 

We deserved so much more time with Goof, it was so unfair.  A chance look back at the door amongst the rainfall of tears, showed Goof sitting upright and looking back at me.  This might not seem strange but it was one way glass and previous to that I hadn’t been able to see in at all! Automatically I walked to the door and opened it with ease, even though I had stood there not 10 minutes earlier and heard it locked and bolted as we had been promised! Dr Jordan was kneeling down and crying, as was Gismo and Sally, the vet nurse.  I looked at Jordan wondering why he was prolonging the agony, he held a spent syringe in his hand, whatever was in it had already been injected. Jordan knew I came from a very animal oriented background and he assured me it would be an amount similar to that which he would use for a small pony and it would take less than twenty seconds to take full effect.   As I walked across the room Goof licked my husband’s face and lay down peacefully.  

It was clear to me that Goof was going nowhere until he had said goodbye to me, no matter the dosage.  No one at the pet crematorium could explain how I could see through the door, and we checked afterwards and it was one way glass. How had I opened a door that had been locked and bolted with no one near, but most of all, how Goof had hung on for more than ten minutes after the injection until I arrived to be with him, will remain a mystery the answer to which will only be known by spirit.  Jordan said “I am a scientist and I don’t understand it”. We did, we totally understood that our boy wasn’t going to let me regret not being with him.